Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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