i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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