I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You are a genius and a whore.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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