He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
