That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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