Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
