I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
