Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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