are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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