Pants 0. Shit 1.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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