i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
