Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How's work?
Spinning.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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