This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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