I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
