I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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