That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
