My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
