Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
