Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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