Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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