Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
