Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.

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(813): View more from Florida

I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.

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(760): View more from California

new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

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(682): View more from Texas

why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?

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(207): View more from Maine

Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.

Fav 4 2011 825
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...

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