It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
COCAINE IS GR8
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
