If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
