The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
