I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
