Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
