He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
