i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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