I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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