Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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