Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
