Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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