My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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