I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
