so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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