i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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