Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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