How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
