Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
