My friends, they love my intelligence
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
