The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drake has all the answers
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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