and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
