My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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