I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
