My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
