my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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