i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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