what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
