Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
