you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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