I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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