I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
